A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. The conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain-looking, some expensive, and some exquisite - elling them to help themselves to the coffee. After all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. "Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases, it's just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... and then began eyeing each other's cups. "Now consider this: Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not define nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us." God brews the coffee, not the cups . . . enjoy your coffee. (Author unknown)
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On March 1st, Tom East, Director of the Center for Ministry Development facilitated a one day training in Ravenna for about 25 parish and campus ministry leaders on Accompanying Youth on their Journey of Faith and Discernment.
After an opening prayer, we discussed the concept of accompaniment. We have to let go of preconceived frameworks for our ministries with young people, including our tendency to wait for the teens to come to our programs... we have to change our perspective. When we read the Emmaus story (Luke 24: 13 - 35), notice that Christ LISTENED first to the travelers and allowed them to share their disappointments and hopes. He walked along side them and listened. How can we better listen without judgement and walk along side the young people of our community? (We can also notice that Jesus was not waiting in a temple... he joined the travelers on the road...) Mr. East reminded us that we are to reach out to all the young people of the parish community (and geography), not just those who show up at Mass and programs, and not even only those that have been Baptized. One key to this ministry of accompaniment is to recognize that God is already part of each young people's life, since conception. We need to talk with them about the conversation God has been having in his/her life... they may need help recognizing it in themselves, and to see how God is at work in their daily lives, but we seldom "bring them to Christ" as Christ is and has been with them! Tom shared many tools for accompanying, transforming our programs, and becoming a faith companion. It is important for parents, grandparents, godparents, catechists, teachers, youth ministers, coaches, group leaders, Confirmation sponsors, and even peers to take time to pray, connect, listen, empathize, care, and witness with young people. The second session of the workshop was regarding ways to guide youth in discernment. One of the many resources shared on this topic was a "Simple Three-Minute Ignation Method" that can be used every day: 1. Spend the first minute thanking God the Father for all the blessings received that day. 2. Spend the second minute reviewing your failings and ask Jesus the Son for forgiveness. 3. In the final minute, ask the Holy Spirit for the strength and courage to live a better tomorrow. One of the biggest differences we can make in the lives of young people is to foster a habit of daily prayer. Workshop participants were challenged to brainstorm ways to help youth pray. We also shared resources that can help. A great example that was shared was of a young man who set 4 alarms on his cell phone to remind him when the phone vibrated to pray. Tom also shared ideas on breaking open the Synod Preparatory document, which can be found online at: www.vatican.va/roman_curia/synod/documents/rc_synod_doc_20170113_documento-preparatorio-xv_en.html The key questions include: > What should we do to transform our ministries using accompaniment as a model? > What should we stop doing? > What are some ways to encourage the faith community in walking with youth? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To learn more about the Center for Ministry Development, visit their website at: www.cmdnet.org/ To read a blog post by Tom East on this topic, visit: www.cmdnet.org/cmd-blogs-ministry/entry/walking-with-youth-preparing-for-the-synod-on-young-people-the-faith-and-vocational-discernment ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you participated in the workshop, please comment below with any additional insights, ideas or strategies that you noted during the day! At the Convocation of Catholic Leaders (July 1-4, 2017 in Orlando), I was honored to be one of the five delegates from the Diocese of Youngstown. The event included break- out sessions, one being "Youth on the Margins: Understanding Those Struggling with Depression, Suicide, Gangs and Discrimination." Obviously, the panel of speakers addressed each of those areas. They also discussed the opioid epidemic and how some of the heroin sold these days is immediately addicting. There is also an increase in reported anxiety issues with teens. It can be difficult to share the Joy of the Gospel (theme of the Convocation) when people are struggling to find joy in any area of their life! In an interview with Antonio Spadaro SJ in August 2013, Pope Francis said: “The thing the church needs most today is the ability to heal wounds and to warm the hearts of the faithful; it needs nearness, proximity. I see the church as a field hospital after battle. It is useless to ask a seriously injured person if he has high cholesterol and about the level of his blood sugars! You have to heal his wounds. Then we can talk about everything else. Heal the wounds, heal the wounds." As adults called to work with and for young people, we need to be available to assist as needed. In addition to just being available to LISTEN to a young person, here are a few suggestions: 1. Continue to pray for young people and their families, knowing that everyone is going through something or has a loved one that they worry about that is going through something. Pray that they have the strength they need to get through it and to rely on God. A few Scriptures to consider in your prayer: • “The Lord heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). • “But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, thus declares the Lord” (Jeremiah 30:17). • “Come to me, all who are heavy burdened...” (Matthew 11:28) • “The news about [Jesus] spread throughout all Syria; and they brought to him all who were ill, those suffering with various diseases and pains, demoniacs, epileptics, paralytics; and he healed them” (Matthew 4:24). 2. Have a "Referral List" handy and updated. To read more about how to create your list, see: youngstownoyyam.weebly.com/youth-and-young-adult-ministry-idea-sharing-blog/counseling-referrals-pastoral-care as well as an idea for helping parents connect for support: youngstownoyyam.weebly.com/youth-and-young-adult-ministry-idea-sharing-blog/been-there-done-that-box 3. Learn more about Pastoral Care so that you can better be of service. Once great option is called "Youth Mental Health First Aid." This is a quick course that covers the basics on identifying and working with youth who may experience anxiety, depression, substance use, disorders, suicidal tendencies, etc. It comes with a manual that you can keep on hand for reference over and over again. (Perhaps a good idea to reread a chapter each month as well as to have on hand as a certain situation arises.) The diocese is looking into the possibility of hosting a training for parish ministers, but I also found that there is a FREE option offered by the Trumbull County Mental Health and Recovery Board. One training day is coming up on August 25th in Warren. The flyer can be found below. If you are unavailable that day, perhaps contact them for future dates. What else might you add to this list? Final thought, Pope Francis encourages us in taking the time necessary to journey with people as Church, "An evangelizing community is also supportive, standing by people at every step of the way, no matter how difficult or lengthy this may prove to be." (Evaneglii Gaudium #24) ~~~~~~ "Proclaiming Christ means showing that to believe in and to follow him is not only something right and true, but also something beautiful, capable of filling life with new splendor and profound joy, even in the midst of difficulties." (Evaneglii Gaudium #167) resource by Kirk Bloir, Program Director, Family and Consumer Sciences posted at: http://ohioline.osu.edu/factsheet/HYG-5321 ------- Whether for a few minutes or a few hours, all parents will face this dilemma: Is my child old enough to stay home alone? If you look to Ohio's state or local laws, you won't find a minimum age specified. Instead, the Ohio Revised Code says that parents are responsible for providing adequate and proper supervision and care for their children. So, the real question isn't so much one of age, but one of your child's maturity, readiness, and your ability to plan for safety, emergencies, and activities. Parents need to look at their child's maturity and readiness in three broad areas. Physical Can your child lock and unlock the doors and windows; use the telephone; and operate appliances safely (such as a can opener, microwave, toaster oven, stove top)? Intellectual Your child must be able to read and take a written message; follow and give directions; and understand and describe house rules and safety/emergency procedures. Social/Emotional Your child needs to feel good about being left home alone; feel confident In his/her ability to take care of him/herself; and be comfortable with limited social interaction. Take cues from your child. If he/she says he/she is afraid, lonely, or unsure of his/her ability to stay home alone, he/she is not ready. Once you believe your child is ready, create a plan. Begin by talking with your child about the possibility of staying home alone. Ask if he/she would like to stay home alone. If not, don't force the issue. If yes, then do the following.
There is no magic age at which children can stay home alone. What matters most is (1) whether they are mature enough, (2) they know how to respond in emergency situations, and (3) they are willing to follow directions and rules. If your children are not comfortably self-sufficient in your absence, they are not ready to stay home alone. References
As I began to write a blog post about the October 2018 Synod on "Youth, faith and vocational discernment," I saw that CMD beat me to is, so I will share their thoughts: What do you think? By the way, those of you on my YM email list should have received the link with the Letter to Youth from the Holy Father. Thank you for sharing that with teens. Here is it again, in case you missed it: The Preparatory Document (Click for Inglese for English!)THE QUESTIONS:
Please indicate, where possible, the source of the statistics and make reference to the year. Other pertinent information can be attached to better understand the situation in various countries. - Number of inhabitants in the country / countries and the birth rate. - Number and percentage of young people (ages 16-29) in the country / countries. - Number and percentage of Catholics in the country / countries. - Average age (for the last 5 years) for marrying (distinguishing between men and women), for entering the seminary and the consecrated life (distinguishing between men and women). - In the 16-29 age group, the percentage of students, workers (if possible specify the type of work), unemployed These questions refer both to young people who take part in Church programmes, as well as those who do not take part or have no interest to participate. 1. In what manner does the Church listen to the lived situations of young people? 2. What are the main challenges and most significant opportunities for young people in your country / countries today? 3. What kinds and places of group gatherings of youth, institutionalized or otherwise, have a major success within the Church, and why? 4. What kinds and places of group gatherings of youth, institutionalized or otherwise, have a major success outside the Church, and why? 5. What do young people really ask of the Church in your country / countries today? 6. What possibilities for participation exist in your country / countries for young people to take part in the life of the ecclesial community? 7. How and in what manner is contact made with young people who do not frequent Church surroundings? b) Pastoral Vocational Programmes for Young People 8. How are families and communities involved in the vocational discernment of young people? 9. How do schools and universities or other educational institutions (civil or ecclesial) contribute to young people’s formation in vocational discernment? 10. In what manner are you taking into account the cultural changes resulting from the development of the digital world? 11. How can World Youth Days or other national or international events become a part of ordinary pastoral practice? 12. In what manner is your diocese planning experiences for the pastoral vocational programme for young people? c) Pastoral Care Workers with Young People 13. How much time and in what manner do clergy and other formators provide for personal spiritual guidance? 14. What initiatives and opportunities for formation are in place for those who provide pastoral vocational guidance? 15. What personal guidance is offered in seminaries? d) Specific Questions According to Geographic Areas AMERICA a. How does your community care for young people who experience extreme violence (guerrilla warfare, gangs, prison, drug addiction, forced marriages) and accompany them in various ways in their life? b. What formation is offered to support the engagement of young people in society and civil life, for the common good? c. In a world which is greatly secularized, what pastoral activities are most effective for continuing the journey of faith after the Sacraments of Christian Initiation? Sharing Activities1. List the main types of pastoral activity in accompaniment and vocational discernment in your present situation. 2. Choose three activities you consider the most interesting and relevant to share with the universal Church, and present it according to the following format (no more than one page for each experience). a) Description: In a few sentences, roughly describe the activity. Who are the leading characters? How does the activity take place? Where? Etc. b) Analysis: Evaluate the activity, even in layman’s terms, for a better understanding of the important elements: what are the goals? What is the theoretical basis? What are the most interesting insights? How have they developed? Etc. c) Evaluation: What are the goals? If not achieved, why? Strengths and weaknesses? What are the consequences on the social, cultural and ecclesial levels? Why and in what way is the activity important / formative? etc. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ While I cannot yet tell you how this information may be collected, please do start considering ways to collect the input at your local level. This is such a great opportunity to LISTEN TO young people and to have them help build the Church for the future! Prior to the National Conference on Catholic Youth Ministry, or NCCYM, in San Jose last month, I participated in a two-day "Youth Mental Health First Aid" training. (I am sure you will hear and see me reference this training a few times in the future!) One of the numerous ideas I noted was tis idea of a "Been There, Done That" box of index cards.... What you would do is to contact parents who have gone through some specific situation, issues or crisis, and see if they would be open to talking with other parents from the parish or school who approach you to discuss that topic. (I'd also suggest you ask these kind, brave parents willing to discuss their situations to pray for any parent that does contact them... and perhaps pray WITH them!) Examples include: -- teens breaking curfew and how to deal with that in a healthy way -- incarcerated youth -- dealing with underage drinking -- child diagnosed with a special need -- kids who struggled through their divorce -- custody issues -- teens cutting school (Start brain-storming as you reflect on questions parents ask you! What a wonderful resource this box can be as you help connect people that support each other and build community.) Please be sure to keep this information confidential, but have them on hard for support. Of course, you could keep this information on a spread sheet on your computer or tablet. And, obviously, for anyone who needs professional help, make that appropriate referral. However, often, parents just need support -- someone to listen someone who understands and sometimes some ideas and advice. This seemed like a great idea to share with you all as you approach Pastoral Care with youth and their families. Let me know if you do this and how it works for you. Add any helpful tips in the comments below. ==================================== Here is a prayer from Loyola Press for Parents: A Parent's Prayer Loving God, You are the giver of all we possess, the source of all of our blessings. We thank and praise you. Thank you for the gift of our children. Help us to set boundaries for them, and yet encourage them to explore. Give us the strength and courage to treat each day as a fresh start. May our children come to know you, the one true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. May your Holy Spirit help them to grow in faith, hope, and love, so they may know peace, truth, and goodness. May their ears hear your voice. May their eyes see your presence in all things. May their lips proclaim your word. May their hearts be your dwelling place. May their hands do works of charity. May their feet walk in the way of Jesus Christ, your Son and our Lord. AMEN. 1/4/2016 Follow Up from a Large Event (NCYC, DYC, retreat, March for Life, Mission Trip, etc.)Read NowDuring the last workshop round at the 2015 National Catholic Youth Conference, I participated in a "What Now" session with teens and adults from the Archdiocese of Dubuque. A pastor, youth minister and 4 youth shared their experience of the previous NCYC and how they took the energy and learnings back to their parish. They then invited all participants to consider what they may do after leaving NCYC.... and invited them to select one of the following areas in which to focus: What do I want to work on after NCYC? - Improve prayer life - Improve charitable actions - Grow YM at parish - Teach others about the faith - Liturgical ministries - Be more active in parish in general - Overcome challenges in life - Improve relationships Teens gathered in small groups around each of these areas and brainstormed ways they can take action back home. I thought this was a GREAT way to start bridging the experience with some practical ideas, and that while this was NCYC specific at the time, how it can easily be adapted for any large event. Consider it when you are busing back from the March for Life, or before leaving your retreat, or after attending the next Diocesan Youth Convention (DYC) or mission trip. (It is also not too late to gather your NCYC participants, if you went, to do this activity... after spending a little time reminiscing about the General Sessions, Camp Techakwitha, Prayer rooms, and break-outs, then ask them how they would like to build upon the experience in the New Year!) I have often seen that a "mountaintop experience" can have a tremendous impact on a young person. We may want to be like Peter, James and John at the Transfiguration who wanted to build a tent and stay there (Matthew 17).... but we must go back home and rejoin our 'regular' lives at school, work and with family and friends. However, pulling from another chapter of Matthew's Gospel (13), the large events are opportunities to sow seeds. If the seeds of the experience are not nurtured and fed, they quickly die... we must help our young people tend to the seeds so that they can bear great fruit for the individual, but even for our faith communities! "But the seed sown on rich soil is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold.” (Matthew 13: 23) Looking for a way to support your teens at a time when they will be likely be open to Divine Inspiration? Here is one: Pencils with Prayers - prepare a prayer before taking a test (like the one pictured) and add a new, sharpened and ready-to-go #2 pencil. This would be great for your high school teens to do for the 8th graders in the Catholic school before high school placement tests, or have Confirmation students prepare for the high school students before any of their tests. Or have an adult club or ministry work on this for the teens. There are so many possibilities for getting people involved in preparing them! Then, for distribution, consider the options: going into the 8th grade classrooms, or distributing at youth ministry event, or have them in baskets after Mass for pick up as families leave. If you have done this or something similar, please tell us about it in the comments. While the component of Pastoral Care in ministries with youth is about helping to support healthy growth and development for the teen, often within a family setting, there can be times that we encounter youth with concerning situations. As trusting relationships build in ministry, we may find that people really open their hearts to us and share struggles that they are having personally or with a loved one. We might be told of substance abuse, addiction, unplanned pregnancy, depression, suicidal thoughts, physical abuse, neglect, violent behavior, excessive stress, bullying, rape, feelings of helplessness, serious parental conflict, and more. As caring people, we want to help....yet, when working with youth and families, it is important to recognize when you need to refer one for counseling. When you are in that situation, where do you call? Catholic Charities recently updated their list, so I am happy to share this with you to give you leads. I recommend that you give each place in your county a call and see how open they are (and welcoming they sound) for your referral needs. {See document below.} Also, be sure to see what resources you have in your own parish and a neighboring parish. Often psychologists, psychiatrists and counsels are members of our Churches. WHEN TO REFER David Switzer states that it is wise to refer when: 1. We simply don't understand what's going on with the other person, why the person feels and behaves as she/he does, even after we've had opportunity to talk with that persona bout what's going on. 2. We recognize that the person is psychotic or has a tenacious depression. 3. The person is suicidal or is making serious threats against someone else. 4. We suspect that the person may have some physical disorder, may need a physical examination, and/or may need medication. 5. A person is dependent on alcohol or some other chemical substance, including prescription drugs. 6. It had seemed as if this were a person appropriate to with with, but after a while we realize that no change is taking place, we're beginning to feel frustrated and we don't know what else to do. 7. We find ourselves beginning to shut the person out emotionally. 8. We feel consciously afraid because the person appears to be dangerous to us. 9. We feel angry at the person and aren't clear about the reason. 10. We want to take care of everything for the person and are not really helping the person to be responsible for him/herself. 11. We want to guard our relationship with the person and not let anyone else participate in significant helping with him/her. 12. The situation is primarily a family problem and the family pattern of interaction is complex. (Taken from Guides to Youth Ministry: Pastoral Care, edited by Sharon Reed) Thank you for all you do to help achieve Goal 3 of our framework for Catholic Youth Ministry:
(For more on this goal and the framework, visit this web page: http://www.usccb.org/about/laity-marriage-family-life-and-youth/young-adults/renewing-the-vision.cfm ) |
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*** Note: The Office Blog is now inactive, but posted for continued reference as needed (6/30/21) ***Cindee Case, MPSFormer Director of the Diocese of Youngstown Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry (2/2002 - 6/2021) Archives
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